Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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