i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
