i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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