This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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