I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
barbara walters just said penis...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
