yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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