You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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