Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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