I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I won the penis lottery.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
