The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
