is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
