He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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