I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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