would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
