why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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