ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
