oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
