whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
