The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
