dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
