i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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