I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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