There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
