she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
