dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
