i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
