Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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