my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
