Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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