She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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