I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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