i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
