the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
