he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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