my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
