dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
