Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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