Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
