her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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