I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
