...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
