Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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