They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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