you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
