I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
