I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
