It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
handjob tips. give me some.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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