Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
