Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
