Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
