his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
