3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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