i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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