I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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