I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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