can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
