i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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