i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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