At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He better not be in your backpack
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
