Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
