Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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