if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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