he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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