I love watching others lives come down to our level.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
