Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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