My nipple is on Facebook.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
