I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I touched a dick in church today
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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