So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
